Product Review: African Naturalistas

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Originally posted on The Kink And I:
Hello loves! The African Naturalistas review I promised is here. At our last Naturals in The City meetup, I was given a nice bag of African Naturalistas products to try out. April was…

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New life

So, i might’ve failed to take my own advice about not procrastinating. However, it was with good reason… I was busy making big life changes and trying to survive in a village infested with ninja mosquitoes and mutant rats that make you question every single thing you’ve ever known to be true.

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I feel like sharing one or two things about this village I am currently residing in. Firstly, the assorted accents I have heard around the commoners of the village.

Now, like Lagos state, this village is filled with immigrants from all over trying to make it; and out of fear of being deemed as irrelevant or need to re-invent themselves, some people speak with accents that can make mosquitoes crash into walls… As per the accents will scramble the mosquitoes’ sense of direction.. It is that bad.

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The ones that went to England when they were 24 after spending all their lives in Nigeria speaking Yoruba like that ijesha guy on Seyishay’s irawo song,and spent just 3 years surrounded by fellow deep-Yoruba speakers in England are in this my village speaking like (in the wise words of my friend, omoge ileya) they tried to download the accent but NEPA took the light at 30% and they were using “television laptops”- those laptops that the batteries have died and ascended into the heavens so as soon as the power goes, they go off. (My laptop is a tv with a 2ndhand UPS but lets not go into that now). Mr. A will stand up and try to ask a question with “bri’ish”‘ accent but will give us like 6 ‘h factor’ knockout combos in quick succession. Why evuz?!

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Another issue is how literally no guy was in a relationship before he migrated to this village. 😒😒😒 (for those who can’t see the smiley, it is a thoroughly unimpressed “bitch please” look).

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The tall, short, dark, fair and inbetweeners all magically aren’t in a committed relationship as soon as the cross into the village; perhaps there is a magical phenomenon I am unaware of that kills guy’s girlfriends or gives guys some special selective amnesia ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯
The ones that wear wedding bands too are single o; make no mistake. This magical “girlfriend killer” also kills wives, fiancées, baby mamas and mistresses.

So this is a public announcement to all females who have boyfriends, fiances, and baby daddies in my village, come and claim your men if you still want them o!

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It would be best if you come in person ; but if you can’t, call him at 4pm when he is likely to be at the village market (this is a popular place for meeting and mate-selection in the village) or at 8pm when he is likely to be at the happening spot for the villagers called “The Top” and force him to say “I love you, my girlfriend” or “I am so glad I’m married to you, my wife”;

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Just make sure he mentions your position in his life so that the village belles stay away from your man or at least are made aware of your presence. If possible, tell him to pass the phone round so you can say hi to his friends; this is when you are skyping or facetiming of course, so he doesn’t skip the village maiden next to him when he is passing the phone round to his fellow amnesia-having buddies.

This is all I’m going to post about my new village for now; watch out for part two

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Posted in random, Rants, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

The F word

Forgiveness as defined by wikipedia is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, disagreement or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. What those big words mean is, forgiveness is letting an individual who has wronged you go scot-free  without holding any grudge against the person or wanting to take vengeance. take note of how the definition doesn’t involve “re-befriending” the individuals that have wronged you

Like other topics, i will talk about this from my personal view. When I was younger, I found it REALLY hard to forgive my brother or anyone really for that matter (but mostly my brother Tunji *narrows eye*) when tHEy upset me. I could go for days, even weeks (well, I could have, if my mum didn’t always force me to forgive ) without speaking to him and holding on to the grudge for something as silly as not letting me watch the cartoons I wanted to watch because he wanted to play FIFA.

MY GOD, I remember walking around with a permanent frown so my parents would notice that something was wrong, ask me what it was and then (I always hoped) punish him and make him suffer *insert evil laugh*.

I felt a sort of tightness in my chest and anger whenever I laid eyes on someone who had wronged me and I was yet to forgive. I actually remember my mum sitting me down and telling me “inu e ma n le ni igbami sha iwo omo yii, just ignore him and forgive” that means (not literally) that I held on to things too much and I needed to learn to forgive.

It was actually after she said that that I made an active effort to let things go; it was really hard at first but I learnt. The trick for me is, I don’t genuinely care about the actions and words of people that aren’t members of my immediate family and aren’t my friends (I have like 3 real friends so the list isn’t really long); this way, when “outsiders” say or do something offensive, I don’t care enough to let it get to me and that helps me forgive them.

Now, with “family and friends”, all I do is:

1. Think of the fact that they wouldn’t have actually done what they did to hurt me intentionally.

2. Remember the times I did things to hurt them and they forgave me and then I don’t have it in me to stay mad.

There is actually a particularly mean thing I said to my elder brother when we were much younger (he might have forgotten but I never will); I have actually never felt so sorry in my entire life and he found it in him to forgive me. I think of him forgiving me for that and I can’t stay mad at anyone else. That’s my trick to forgiveness.

3. This is for when the grudge-holding spirit is serious Think of the fact that you want God to forgive you for your many many many many many many many sins so you can go to heaven; why should God forgive you when you can’t forgive someone.

There are studies that show that it is in the human nature to not want to forgive and (definitely not) forget. Its how we make sure we don’t get wounded or hurt by the same thing twice; for example, a baby that found out the hard way the fire burns won’t go anywhere near a fire after the first lesson. Its the body’s way of protecting itself so don’t feel bad that you find it hard to let go of things.

Personally, I can say I’ve become a happier and more relaxed person since I learned to forgive people. You could try the above listed steps if you also find forgiving people hard. (Let me know if they work 🙂 ) . Remember, you don’t have to forget, just forgive ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯ .

If you have any tips on how to help people forgive others, please share them. You can also leave any comments or suggestions. Thank you.

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Procrastination

Hi guys!!!! Its been such a long time, please accept my apologies. Hope we’ve all been great this past year.

Today, I want to talk about procrastination; quite apt seeing as I procrastinated posting an article for over a year so if anyone knows about procrastination, I do.

For those who do not know what procrastination is, it is the act (or non-act;get it? milo clap for my joke 😀 😐 ) of putting off or delaying an action to a later time.

I sat and thought of some of the instances I procrastinated doing something and whether or not I was better or worse off for it. I think my worst procrast (let’s call it that, it sort of has a cool ring to it) occurred when I was in secondary school. On one of the few occasions I visited the Junior Secondary School library ( I was in Jss1 by the way), I borrowed a story book.
Obviously, I registered my name and wrote that I would return the book on or before a certain date. I, being the daughter of my father forgot to return the book and realized like a week after the due date. I was so scared that I didn’t return it hoping that by the time I was to graduate, the records would have magically disappeared. That’s how I procrastinated returning the book until I was in ss3 and had to sort out my clearance. It ended up not being a big deal at all and I paid a fine of like N200 -__-. Till this day I honestly don’t know why I put off returning the book. 6 years worth of procrastination; I’ll just be a typical Nigerian and blame it on the devil and my enemies in the village ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯ .

We all procrastinate; whether its putting off doing our laundry because we hate hanging our clothes ( ._.) Or reading and replying our IMs ( ._.) sorry to all my bbm contactsOr feeding the dog ( ._.) sorry Bruno, I love you or (probably the most famous) doing an assignment. Let’s stop and really genuinely think of the times we procrastinated and ended up doing what we put off doing and maybe even more; did we gain anything? Was it any easier? Did we enjoy the feeling of knowing we had a backlog of things to do?

I don’t just write to point out our obvious problems and little challenges, I like to proffer possible solutions to them. Personally, when next I feel like procrastinating, I’ll just think of how silly I felt after my 6 year procrastination; I think that should push me to procrastinate procrastinating ^_^. You should try that too, it might work for you.

Thanks for putting up with my 1 year procrastination, you guys rock. If you have anything you’d like to add or subtract, feel free to leave a comment; if you have any other funny procrasts, you can share them. Thanks guys, till next time.

Posted in common vices | 15 Comments

Dish

Decided to talk about another ‘meaningful’ topic today ..its about people who can’t take what they dish to others…and no, I’m not talking about people who cook bad food and give it to people close to them who have to eat it and act like they like it ( I’m sorry for all those wraps of lumpy eba daddy .. At least those days are gone now 😀 ). I mean people who do bad things to people and then act like they want to give up the ghost when others do the exact same thing to them.

All religions, even the occultic ones (I shall explain this later) say “do unto others what you would have others do unto you” . If you know of a religion that does not say this, please inform me so I can research on it and discredit its authenticity 😐 .

Now, let me explain the occultic one (people who watch Africa Magic english and yoruba will be able to picture what I’m about to say very clearly) . A in a bid to become wealthy and start living it up is required to kill someone to perform a ritual. So A kills his neighbor’s daughter after luring her into his apartment on a ‘market day’ with a plate loaded with Akara. A becomes rich after a few cowry tosses, an absurd dance beside a bonfire while holding a chicken and a few sprinkles of the little girl’s blood. The catch however is, in about 5 years, in order to maintain his wealth, A’s daughter and only surviving member of his nuclear family must die too. When this happens , A’s world comes crashing down, he runs mad and all the money in the world can’t cure him “to God be the glory” *credits* :|.

You get the idea. A lot of people don’t think of how they’d feel if someone close to them did what they do to other people. Imagine a world where as your boss is about to insult you and you ancestors when you accidentally spill some juice on the floor when serving him, he stops to think of how he’d feel if the same happened to him and so just says its alright and let’s you and your generation go scot-free. The world would be sooo much better no?

Don’t read this and not change how you relate with others for the better.. Put yourself in others’ positions before you rip them to shreds. Any comments, agreements or disagreements should be made known . 🙂

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Posted in Uncategorized | 25 Comments

Ruts

I have a thought on what to talk about today but I do not know how to turn it into a “palava chronicles”esque sort of post ..so please just go with it and try to relate to it because its something that I know everyone can relate to.

All too often we find ourselves bored and stuck in ruts and its like the crappiest feeling in the world. You wake up everyday feeling like a piece of cardboard that was left on the floor and has soaked in a lot of dirty water and been dried out by the heat of the sun.. I know its a weird simile but stop and imagine that. Clearly I wldnt know what the cardboard feels like but its the image that pops into my mind when I think about being stuck in a rut.

Funny thing is, your life might be perfectly fine but you just want that extra something to take your mind off the bland normalcy of your life. Sometimes we do find things to add excitement to our lives and pull us out of the ruts but then most times, it doesn’t last as long as we’d hoped it would and then we’re back to our ruts.

I find that when I’m stuck in a rut , I withdraw from people and just generally stop being fun to be around and its not the sort of person I would like to be. What I want to know / learn is how to find excitement that wld last a life time . For people within and around my age group, the things we do to temporarily solve our ruts is date someone new or pick up a hobby like blogging, photography, makeup artistry, fashion designing, rapping and things like that but if these things are not truly a part of who we are or who we hope to be, these hobbies won’t last long and when we end up back in the rut and want to find a way out, we just feel less motivated because in our minds, we’ve been there, tried and failed and feel less inclined to try with every failure.

I think the solution to this is to think about the people we aspire to be in a few years and think of things that’ll help us get there so that way no matter how “old” the activities get, we’ll still be motivated to do them to keep ourselves busy and on track to becoming better people and not just find ourselves watching our lives pass us by.

Seeing as I’m just a 19 year old and not a professional life coach or anything like that , I have taken the liberty of googling an article that can help people find their ways out of ruts .. The address is “is your life stuck in a rut? 10 ways out”. You might not need it now but I hope you remember to read it if/when you do get stuck in a rut.

Oh yeah ..I’m super sorry about my long absence ..the law is not an easy thing to study. All comments , pieces of advice , agreements and all that good stuff shld be made known . X

Posted in Uncategorized | 14 Comments

Failure

Hi guys .. i know i haven’t blogged in ages and I’m terribly sorry .. i just wanted my “com back” post to be something meaningful and not just one of those random somewhat hilarious ones .. ( by the way one day, my friend (who i dint know reads my blog) came up to me and said that my article on decision making and factors we take into consideration  really helped him and changed his mind when he was about to decide wrongly on a serious matter… yes people ,  that was my pseudo-oprah moment or something like that .. i felt really good ^_^.)

I decided to talk about failure today. We all experience it and more often than not, sadly cope with it the wrong way. Let it bring us down instead of making it a form of motivation; or believing that there is a bigger picture and God is just putting you in the perfect place to succeed (even though you don’t know it yet).

I’ll use myself as an example .. when i was in JSS2, we had our first mid term tests and i got a perfect 0 .. dassright odo x_O  .. 0/20 in the business studies test  and myself and about 5 other people who had gotten the same score were asked to stand and were  questioned about our “lack of sense” by our teacher .. i would have preferred it if the building had collapsed and just killed us all.. i was only a few seconds away from dying of embarrassment already anyway. I ended up getting either 72 or 75 over 80 in the exam and  ended up in the top 10  #LikeaBoss .  I had promised myself that i would never  fail like that EVER  again ;no matter what ; and i have never.

At a young age i had taught myself that if you fail at something, don’t let it bring you down. Try again and if you still fail then you should probably try something else. In all honesty, this post is inspired by my faculty. For those of you that don’t know, i’m studying law and it is one of the easiest courses to fail because there is no outright right or wrong answer . After exams when people ask me how it went, half the time, i actually dont even remember what i wrote and i don’t have a single clue if i will pass or fail the exam. So far,I havnt failed any modules *sacrifices 2 chickens and a rooster to the gods*. I however do know of some brilliant people who have ; this has shown me that failing can happen to anyone and it is definitely not the end of the world seeing as a good number of them have gone on to do extremely awesome things with their lives.

Failing at something (especially academically) either motivates you to do even better or tears down ur belief in yourself and your capabilities which only leads to more and even worse failure. As hard as it is to handle, we should all try to make our failure(s) motivate us to be better. I remember when I was in first year and there had been a mistake during the compilation of my result and I had been told that I failed a course ; I wept more than a person who had just lost the person closest to them .. That was , to me , the end of my life .. After a while (that same day) , I decided I wouldn’t let it bring me down and I’d just double my efforts and all .. Luckily, I didn’t actually fail the module but I had learnt that I could handle failure which now only makes me more confident when I’m doing things because now I just say “and if I fail, I’ll just do it again noni” *starts humming “mo lowo mo lowo mo lowo noni * :|..I’m sorry for that.

Bottom point is, failure is part of life .. If we never fail, we will never truly fully appreciate the times we do succeed…now go forth and be successful failures .. 😐 ok that dint come out the way I intended it to but you do get the point. You don’t have to take anything in this post to heart though ; I mean, what do I know, I’m just an 18 year old 3rd year law student ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯ . Comments, opinions and all that good stuff should be made known. X

Oh yh, this post is abit old ..just never posted it.

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Anything for goiz?

So I wanted my “come back” post to be something deep and meaningful because I’m deep, brooding and intellectual like that B^) ..however , today’s topic popped up in my head and I knew this was a divine message and I had to share it . Yes, a divine message; I know this because this is the first day I’m fasting after the first 5 days of ramadan (was a bit ill) so whatever ideas and feelings I get today shall be attributed to my state of fasting and shall therefore be dubbed divine..

I’m not sure if you guys get what my topic is about from the title so let me enlighten you quickly before moving on. Well, my “divine idea” was how much guys are like police men. The most annoying guys that pester you are no different from the police officers that flag you down on a friday evening on your way back from work or school sef and ask you “anything for goiz” or “do weekend for goiz”. Take a second and process this.. Especially the girls (at least the fine one 😐 ..iKid) ..think of how irritating it is when a totally random and obviously misguided guy comes to ask you if he can “be your special friend, love you till the end..” (Oh sorry, I drifted off into a p-square song there)..

Let me explain the correlation (hopefully this will make as much sense written as it does in my head ‎​¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯. ) .. Hmmn .. You know those guys that only buzz you or hail you when you are looking extra fine or you put up a really hot or cute picture as your display picture on your bbm or avatar , they can be likened to the police men that bug you when they see you driving a really expensive looking car or wearing expensive looking clothing…The guys that say they’ll take anything they can get (police version: no amount is too small ..even money for coke is fine) .. the ones that’ll over-compliment you (police version: hailing you and calling you “shia man” “oga” “baba o!” “Boss” or telling you how pretty “shialady” is ) hoping that it’ll get to your head and you’ll momentarily have a lapse of good judgement and “give goiz something”. Are you starting to get the picture ?

The ones that piss me off the most are the ones that greet ME and ask ME for money (as long as you can’t see below my neck, there is no reason why you should think I’m above 20, so in the famous words of my idol Vic.O “why evils ?? ” .. This is the same way some dude that is clearly old enough for your parents to have a conversation about things in their generationwith will now come and be “toasting” you shamelessly .. Cammon !!! Do I look like I am desperate for a husband or like I have only 3 more eggs in my body ? 😐 (ok, I’m sorry for that simile).

And of course there can’t be evil without good (this is clearly debatable because when you take Vic.O as a whole, we clearly see the bad but … ) 😐 .. The same way there are crappy, overbearing , irritating, thirsty and desperate guys, there are the nice, decent, respectable. Responsible, hard working ones that give you breathing space and don’t kill you with their thirst .. Like those nice security officers you see working diligently under the sun everyday and you give them “something for weekend” out of the goodness of your heart because you can see how hard working and deserving they are. ^_^ (I feel all warm and fuzzy inside because I’m actually saying something nice ; this must be the effect of ramadan) .

I could go on and on but I don’t post long articles because of people that read my blog on their phones (I’m considerate like that *halo*) .. So if you guys have anything to add , subtract, comment on , do so ^_^ . Also let me know if this doesn’t make sense 😐 ..Ramadan Kareem.X

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Posted in random, Rants | 17 Comments

Hating

I just read a blog post by Tobi Williams that got me weeping from too much laughter .. The post was basically “a love letter” from “a very cool badt goiz” to a girl on facebook ..

This got me thinking about guys and girls that believe that they’re “ the shit” but actually aint shit. I wonder what they consume or are exposed to that gives them such an alarmingly unwarranted high level of self confidence. It makes no sense.

Should we blame their mothers ? “ monkey no fine but ‘I’m mama like am “.. This saying is the truest ever. When a mother loves her child, she loves him/her without reserve. She literally thinks the child is the best thing since platform shoes (for those of you who don’t know, platform shoes are high heeled shoes that have some kind of “platforms” in the front and these basically make the high heels well, not-high heels..its cheating but its beautiful .. God bless the creator of platform heels, you are my hero and you shall never lack) and doesn’t fail to remind the child of this on a daily basis.

Should we blame (on twitter) their followers ? All those sycophants that hang on to their every word and basically offer sacrifices to the gods when they get followed back or tweeted at by “Mr / Mrs awesome” ?

They are, ofcourse, the same people that have imaginary haters.. 86% of their tweets are about their haters and how they are all hating on their swag and can’t handle their freshness and always act like they don’t like their “pics (one picture :|)” .. The same “pics” that has a very unattractive girl with a belly larger than her bum wearing a jeans-gown drinking a bottle of big stout. ¯\..(•͡_ •͡ )../¯

Should we blame all those self help /inspirational books that tell us how we are the rulers of our own world and we shall be addressed based on what we think of ourselves? Maybe there should be a law banning such people from having access to these books. .. when the suspect wants to borrow the book from the library, the librarian’ll just say “I’m sorry, but you can’t take that , you’ve already got baggy jeans held by a “Mr.Biggs-belt” (you know those belts that words in red pass on the screen like all those Mr.Biggs menu things) and an extremely tight body hug shirt on … Oh my, is that a dirty bandana stuffed in your back pocket ?!? … You certainly can’t read anything that says you should accept yourself the way you are 😐 ”

For me , its not the stupid and unbelievable things they do that get me its the confidence and cock-sureness with which they do these things that get me … Examples of some of these people = Lil’ B (please look for him on youtube) … Majela, Vic O.. Jim Iyke (music-wise) and all people with “haters”.

Comments and opinions shld be made known . *does peace sign* Swag out. X 😐

Posted in common sense, random | Tagged , , | 23 Comments

cray fish syndrome

Picture this: you have a function to attend tomorrow and you go to a store to buy a dress. There is a line up of dresses in a particular shop and you pick what you believe is the best one and purchase it for 60,000 naira ; its not what you had in mind .. Not even close .. It doesn’t quite fit and if given a choice, you wld have changed the colour . Atleast its better than nothing and it was the best you could have gotten given the circumstances .

You decide to go get some food in a complex and walk by a store and then you see it ; a shop full of dresses that completely overshadow yours .. They all look classier, more appropriate for your function and then you spot it; the PERFECT dress , just-above-the-knee length, monostrap (with a large well constructed bow as the arm) , royal blue , studs decorating the neck line) and best of all , it was the perfect size.. It cost 62,000 naira ..

Imagine the disappointed feeling u get when u try on this dress ..looking and feeling like a million bucks and remember that you already bought the ill fitting, not-as-good-looking one … That disappointment is the same kind of disappointment girls who settled for “the best” in their various schools are going to feel when they come back home for summer and find out that their “best man”. Can’t get even a 6/10 in the real world x _x

A number of people that’ll read this post will be able to relate to this. It is what I like to call ” The crayfish syndrome” … You know the saying “na condition make crayfish bend” .. Well, in this case condition is the combination of school environment and the boys/ girls that you can select your “partner” from.

Things you realise when the scales fall from your eyes

#. Your guy / girl has an unacceptably teek igbo/ yoruba accent .. Complete wth “R” factor and “Z for S factor” eg pronouncind “sink” as “zinc”

#your guy/ girl isn’t very bright .. The kind of un-bright that’ll make you ensure they never meet your friends or if they do, you’ld have told ’em to act like they’ve got a sore throat so they won’t talk and embarrass your family

#your guy / girl ‘s dress sense is actually horrific .. You dint notice kuz they were “the best” but now that u’ve seen better humans you just want to put ur guy/ girl in a box and ship ’em to another continent.

These are a few of the things you realise .. Don’t want this post to be too long so I’m a wrap it up here .. I think the babe with the function shld rteturn the ill fitting dress and get the perfect one ..but is not so easy when it comes to people we’ve pledged our hearts to… What do u guys think? Anyone with any comments, other “realisations” or examples of people in cray fish-y situations can make ’em known. 🙂

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Posted in Uncategorized | 21 Comments